


beloved, betrothed

by butterscotch (finedae)



Category: Saturday Night Live
Genre: Alternate Universe - Royalty, Arranged Marriage, Dwarves, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Political Alliances, This Fic Has Everything, a royal mustache groomer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-05
Updated: 2018-11-05
Packaged: 2019-08-19 04:44:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16527623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/finedae/pseuds/butterscotch
Summary: Being firstborn and heir to the throne meant Seth always knew his chances of falling in love and marrying the same person were not mutually exclusive.But you never know what to expect when a Prince Stefon Zolesky falls on your lap.





	beloved, betrothed

**Author's Note:**

> taken from the tumblr prompts for: royal au and arranged marriage au written originally for raven_aorla <3  
> this was super fun to write, enjoi

Being firstborn meant Seth always knew his chances of falling in love and marrying the same person were not mutually exclusive. But when an engagement between the Zoleskys and Vanderbilts fell apart, Seth wasn’t expecting his younger brother, Josh, to be handed out gift wrapped to fish an alliance with the Zoleskys. 

“You can’t do this!” Seth stormed in on his father, who was currently being totally groomed.

 “Crown says I can.” King Lawrence replied patiently, waving away the royal mustache plucker. 

 “Josh doesn’t want to marry someone he barely knows!” Seth claimed righteously, very princely. Josh was his best friend, his younger brother, his confidant, the bravest knight in all the land, and was definitely courting ladies with Fallon somewhere. He’s a PR disaster for monogamous loveless political marriages. He can see it already, his darling third in line of the Zoleskys walking on Josh and Fallon having a sword fight. And _not_  the literal kind. 

“The Zoleskys have all the pubs, and therefore all the rum and ale and wine and gin on this side of the state. Do you know how much your mother would love a gin fountain?” Lawrence loves his queen very much, and his queen loves her liquor just as much.

“Let me have a try at this.” Seth sighed. Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown. Seriously, why do they have to wear a crown at home? Surely, everyone in the kingdom is aware of the twin princes — or how Josh tries to take advantage of that without any of the consequences.

 

The newest York’s warmest pub was George St. Geeland, founded by a Gil Faizon, it had _everything_. Five fireplaces and yet dimly lit, the finest of rum that tastes like turpentine, knights who would take off their armour if you threw enough coins at them and barmaidens who could drag you out by one ear. 

“Hiii, so sorry I’m late — just woke up!” Stefon, second in line for the Zolesky throne greeted Seth. He was in his family’s royal colours of yellow and green but his breastplate looked it was hastily tied… and upside down? His hair was curiously swooped flat to one side, with a small tiara crowning him. He also looked like he hadn’t slept in 3 days. 

“It’s sundown?” Seth questioned. The dwarves who were serving everyone drinks shot a dirty look at Seth, like he was intruding, and in his royal blues and reds with an ostentatious flower display to greet Prince Zolesky. 

“Oh, aren’t you sweet,” Stefon smiles at the flowers before taking a beer from one of the passing dwarves and chugging it whole. “You must meet my Human Bartenders!”

“I’m sorry, what?

“Cause they tend the bar.” Stefon explained. Seth did not point out the glaring hole in that logic. Marriage is about compromise.

“Of course. Well, I wanted to speak to you of today, and I’m sure you’re a very busy — uh, statesperson as you oversee all the festivities of the land,” Seth rambles off, like he’s fact checking his book report, which isn’t a thing in this universe. Seth continues about how their kingdoms and respective stronger suits would benefit in a marital alliance, with the Meyers’ stronghold on the daily reports and news, and with the Zoleskys affinity and influence over gatherings, like it was a pitch meeting not a marriage proposal, which once again, not in this universe. If they joined together, the Meyers could ensure news of York’s hottest dances and balls and galas were held, at the behest of the Zolesky stronghold over everywhere anyone wanted to drink, dance, and fuck at.  

“You’re real cute,” Stefon said, crossing his legs in his leather and metal pants somehow. “And as much as I’d love to be married to you…”

“Is it King Bowie?” Seth’s heart sank. The elusive Bowie never came to these lands but songs told about him travelled further beyond.

“Oh, god no.” Stefon made a face, “It’s my subjects. They adore me because I treat everyone like humans, and that’s like super progressive for this era or whatever. That’s why they drove Anderson away and he was The Crown Prince, and by that I mean he was rich. Like owns a dragon to protect the treasures rich…” Stefon drifted off into a wistful sigh.

“They want me to marry someone who likes me for me.” And that explained why practically everyone was staring at Seth with daggers in their eyes. Especially that one knight with a literal dagger in his eye, he should really get that checked out. “But I do like the thought of my bars full house every night…” Stefon offered, a twinkle in his eye.

Before Seth could ask what’s going on, Stefon whispered, “think fast” and leaned in. It was as if time was in slow motion, Seth could feel the eyes of every bar maiden, dwarf, three fairies in a coat pretending to a man, and knight on them as Stefon leaned in for a kiss.

Seth, Crown Prince and future king of the Meyers stronghold, the head writer of the only publishing raven that delivers to every single kingdom, the respected and just as handsome version of Josh without all the scandals bringing them shame, and a week of the commoners whispering about it in hushed tones as they give away bread to make them forget about it, doesn’t think at all and kisses the Zolesky Prince back, shoving him on the hardwood table and knocking over their ale as the pub suddenly erupted with cheers and whooping and a shout of free drinks for everyone.  

” _Worth a shot_.” Seth grinned. 

“I look forward to your reign, my lord,” Stefon laughed approvingly, flushed and breathless underneath him, “In the bedroom.”

**Author's Note:**

> the josh and jimmy fallon are references from a sketch parody they used to do of jersey shore, where they'd be bros grindin it up jersey style
> 
> third in line to the zolesky throne is rebecca, but i like to headcanon david runs off with matt damon to medieval hollywood and write and star in their own play: great william hunting


End file.
